Today has been a beautiful day with low humidty, just enough sunshine to tantalize the senses, and cool breezes to hint at summer's end.

This is exactly the sort of day that I always imagine when I pine to take a walk around campus or in the neighborhoods nearby. I insist through the humid and sweltering days of July that I cannot possibly imagine walking outside without succumbing to the infernos. I also argue that one really cannot exercise when sheets of ice make the ground slick under even the heartiest of treads and the icy air stings the lungs. Today is the sort of day when there is absolutely no excuse not to be outside.

I have no homework. I have no obligations. I have no responsibilties. I have no deadlines.

This will cease to be the case in two short days.

These factors make tonight the ideal night to do all of the strolling, lolly-gagging, meandering, people watching, and "experiencing" that I can absorb before darkest night hushes the streets and shoos people into their homes like toddlers' mothers do.

So, naturally...

I am here.

In my study.

Where I will complain of imprisonment for the next 4 months until winter break. I will rail and rant that if only I had some free time I could stop and appreciate the fall foilage. I could wander in the crisp autumn air. I could walk through swirling leaves, uncaring of the showers of their bretheren rustling to the earth to reunite with them. I will agonize that if I did not have this reading or this project or this meeting or this paper I could don a coat and make sport of melting the frost to make my path.

Tonight I have a choice.

I suppose choice is the sweet, teasing maiden who is so infrequently near that she confuses us with her sudden and insistent presence, confounding us into choosing wrongly.

Or.

I may just be too lazy to bother going outside.

It's probably that last bit.

Because I did not update much in August, or in fact much at all this year...I did very little complaining about the humidity. It would be unacceptable to break with the time-honored tradition of bemoaning the wretched moisture levels...

AUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE HUMIDITY!

Well, now that's taken care of. In other news, I'm feeling pretty good today. Could be that I walked into work and there were cookies available for community consumtpion. Could be I'm going to ask to take off from work tomorrow to help dad deal with's mom's being in California for Auntie Karen's memorial service. Could be that my beaultiful fiancee is returning tomorrow.

Could be a lot of things. I'll take the ups wherever I can get them.

I wish my writing here were a little more exciting than this, but I suppose I will need to be satisfied with writing at all. It bothers me not to have a record of what I've been doing. I have had a tremendously busy summer full of life changes. I might learn from them better if I had documentation of my thoughts and feelings.

Introspect.

Anyway, I am looking forward to lunch at noon. There's a sandwich (with bread on the cusp of going moldy...my food budget is questionable at best) and some tasty Creamy Tomato Parmesan Bisque (brought to you by Campbell's Soup at Hand). Also a peach. No end to the culinary delight!

Maybe a vitamin deficiency is causing serious fatigue and some mood alteration.

Maybe I'm exhausted from a summer of 40-60 hour work weeks.

Maybe I have trepidation about starting my first heavy semester of graduate school.

Maybe I am wearied by the idea of living at least 55 miles from my fiancee year-round for two years.

Maybe I am afraid I will not make new friends in this new chapter of my life but will grow distant from old ones.

Maybe I feel insecure about my future path based on my current situation.

Maybe I am confused as to how I got to a place where I feel lost just when I thought I had direction.

Maybe I hate occupying an apartment by myself.

Maybe I miss entertaining and bonding and learning about myself by being near others.

Maybe I am intimidated by my new surroundings and the inhabitants therein.

Maybe I see that there is a lot I have to be thankful for and I wish I could just feel that gratitude.

Maybe I am scrambling to get some footing, to gain purchase on my new terrain.

Maybe I wonder if everyone else feels this way, too...at least sometimes.

But only maybe these things.

I did not write a Fourth of July post this year. I had every intention. I just never got around to it. I tried to plan what I might say, but little came to me. I would like to reflect upon that fact itself.

Maybe I didn't post because I am not quite sure how I feel about the country or my patriotism or essentially anything else in that ballpark. I was utterly thrilled when Barack Obama won the election in November, but I have felt lost since then. I knew that a single administration change could not instantly reverse all of the wrongdoing that has led us to where we are right now, but I was hoping for at least some rapid and positive change. Honestly, in my typically selfish fasion, I wanted the changes that would most directly benefit me. Change, however, has been slow. This was always to be expected, but it left me high and dry on ideas when Independence Day rolled around this year. After all...I am not free. Why should I exalt freedom? I'm also not utterly infuriated as I have felt in past years, so I felt no need to rail. I am neither totally unsatisfied nor really grateful.

And so, I suppose that gets me to July 11th.